Noun: The contemplation of your own thoughts and desires and conduct.
Yesterday was one of those “blah” days. You’ve had them, right? Things just seem a little ‘off’ – you don’t seem to feel ‘right’ - - -
I woke up yesterday feeling a little bit . . . lost, I guess. Head-achy but not a headache. Restless, but at the same time no energy . . . no ambition to do anything. And, it turns out, a little underlying anger, too. But at what? Or who? And why?
I shared this feeling on Facebook (www.facebook.com/pegphifer). and the comments from my friends got me to thinking. And those thoughts prompted this blog post.
Number one: It’s not yet been a full three months since my husband passed away.
Number two: Less than a month after his passing, I pulled up roots and moved myself from Las Vegas—where I lived for 32+ years, and moved back to northern Wisconsin where my children and their families live. Moved into a fantastic rental home on November 21.
Things moved so fast. There was Thanksgiving and Christmas, my first without Jim. Yet it didn’t quite sink in.
Today, January 24—just 3 days from the 3-month anniversary of Jim’s loss—I think I’m facing a melt-down. Have I betrayed Jim by leaving the home we shared for 26 years?
Oh, the enemy is at work, no doubt about that. A few weeks ago I learned that a pipe had burst in that home. The damage has not yet been assessed. My neighbor, with whom I’ve entrusted the property, says it’s pretty bad.
Yesterday’s malaise can be nothing more that the enemy’s attack, raising the questions. Did I do the right thing? Should I have stayed there a little longer? Was I too hasty?
But then I think about how everything fell into place. This beautiful home, something I could never have imagined. God had to have had a hand in that!
Yes, I’m mourning. Jim was the love of my life. My everything, outside of the Lord.
I’m also grieving the five cats I had to leave behind, two of which were Jim’s favorites. That haunts me.
As I write this, I realize that these feelings . . . this angst . . . are not from God. God is not the author of pain and sorrow. In Him there is no regret. What I’m experiencing is directly from the enemy. And, as of this moment in time, I refuse to allow the evil one to destroy my peace.
I’d love to hear from you. I covet your prayerful support.